Thursday, 23 January 2014

Tired, Tired, Tired...

I am a white, self-employed, working class male with a roof over my head, access to the hindernet and plenty of spare time on my hands (like I said, I'm self-employed) so what could I possibly have to complain about? In reality, not a lot but that's not going to stop me having a go...

Charities such as Oxfam / Help The Aged / Marie Curie / Cancer Research et al. could REALLY do themselves a favour if they stopped employing all these £8 per hour, hi-viz and false smile wearing, "hello-mate-can-I-have-a-minute-of-your-time...", straight-out-of-uni mother flippers to try and charm my bank details from me and simply returned to the time honoured tradition of selling dead people's clothes, dog eared books and scratched Klaus Wunderlich LP's from a shop that smells vaguely of wee.

Golf Umbrellas
No one is that fat that the only way they can shelter from god's tears whilst wandering round a busy city centre is to stab people with a multi-coloured, 2:1 scale model of the Millenium Dome. Cease and desist. And that goes double for all you vertically challenged, eye-stabbing fools.

Rucksacks On Wheels
Commuters, what is it that you need to carry round with you on a daily basis that will fit into the average sized rucksack but is too heavy to be carried by your puny little body and therefore needs to be pulled behind you in an average sized rucksack on wheels? Assuming that you're not taking gold bars to work everyday - NOTHING!

People Who Drive To The Gym
...and then spend the entire time on the running and/or cycling machines.

People Who Start Every Sentence With The Word So
Especially prevalent in the wonderful world of social networking websites, these fuckers start EVERY sentence as if it's the punchline to a non-existent previous sentence, "So I've just finished reading a totes amazeballs article in Vice magazine...", "So I've just started a new diet...", "So it turns out my girlfriend is leaving me..."

White Males Of A Certain Age Who Compile Lists Of Petty Grievances On Blogs That Nobody Reads
Fuck it, i'm tired anyway.

Til next time...

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